My Vipassana Meditation Experience

In November 2018, I embarked on a 100-hour journey within myself for over 10 days in beautiful Onalaska, Washington. Vipassana meditation is one of India’s oldest meditation techniques, which was taught in India more than 2500 years ago as a universal remedy for universal ills.

Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are. It is the process of self-purification through self-observation.

About the Course

Vipassana centers are located worldwide. They are non-profit and run solely on donations. Food and accommodation are provided. You can attend a course for free or by donation.

NOT a retreat but rather a very intense, soul-searching, emotional, physically painful course which you must work VERY hard at to reap the benefits.

Including check-in and check-out dates, you attend for 12 days to participate in 10 full days of noble silence. Noble silence means silence of body, speech and mind. I was excited about this part! I couldn’t wait to check my phone and not have access to it for 10 days!

All who attend a Vipassana course must conscientiously undertake the following five precepts. These were all pretty easy for me since I already don’t eat animal products or take any intoxicants.

The 5 Precepts

  1. to abstain from killing any being,
  2. to abstain from stealing,
  3. to abstain from all sexual activity,
  4. to abstain from telling lies,
  5. to abstain from all intoxicants.

See Code of Discipline for information.

Vipassana meditation aims at the highest spiritual goals of total liberation and full enlightenment. Its purpose is never simply to cure physical disease. However, as a by-product of mental purification, many psychosomatic diseases are eradicated. In fact, Vipassana eliminates the three causes of all unhappiness: craving, aversion and ignorance. With continued practice, the meditation releases the tensions developed in everyday life, opening the knots tied by the old habit of reacting in an unbalanced way to pleasant and unpleasant situations.

Course Timetable

The schedule looks daunting: 10 hours of meditation a day! The gong rings at 4:00 a.m. every morning, but you have the option to meditate in your room until 6:30, so you can just go back to sleep if you want.

You only sit for one hour at a time with breaks, so it’s really not that bad. Also, you have lots of opportunities to meditate in your room, which is more comfortable. During rest breaks, I loved to use the walking trails on the property and spend time in nature among the deer (this was my favorite part of the day besides lunch).

4:00 am Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 am Meditate in the hall or in your room
6:30-8:00 am Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 am Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 am Meditate in the hall or in your room according to the teacher’s instructions
11:00-12:00 noon Lunch break
12 noon-1:00 pm Rest and interviews with the teacher
1:00-2:30 pm Meditate in the hall or in your room
2:30-3:30 pm Group meditation in the hall
3:30-5:00 pm Meditate in the hall or in your own room according to the teacher’s instructions
5:00-6:00 pm Tea break
6:00-7:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
7:00-8:15 pm Teacher’s Discourse in the hall
8:15-9:00 pm Group meditation in the hall
9:00-9:30 pm Question time in the hall
9:30 pm Retire to your own room–Lights out

Food & Accommodation

I wish I could have taken pictures of the food, but as mentioned earlier you are not allowed access to electronic devices during the course. The food was very impressive! Anyone who is plant-based and gluten-free will have no problem as 99% of the food was vegan and gluten-free.

You have one main meal a day served at 11:00 a.m. and then tea and fruit at 5:00 p.m. I found this particularly hard as I was SO hungry ALL the time! I had to start eating way more at lunch so I could get through the day. I was waking up at 2:00 a.m. with extreme hunger pains that would keep me awake. My theory for this is that my body was going through so much physically and emotionally that I was burning through food so fast.

Accommodation was way nicer than expected. There are rooms with 2 beds and a bathroom so you really have a lot of privacy. The bed was a thin piece of foam on wooden slats, not so comfortable but you get used to it. There is lots of room for storage, a lamp and alarm clock (although you did not need the alarm clock as they rung the bell for every new item on the agenda).

Men and women are completely separated throughout the course (for distraction purposes). You will only see men during meditation in the hall, but even then, you have separate entrances and sit on opposite sides of the room.

In this way the technique of self-observation shows us reality in its two aspects, inner and outer. Previously we only looked outward, missing the inner truth. We always looked outside for the cause of our unhappiness; we always blamed and tried to change the reality outside. Being ignorant of the inner reality, we never understood that the cause of suffering lies within, in our own blind reactions toward pleasant and unpleasant sensations.

My Experience

What led me to Vipassana

Okay, let’s get to the nitty gritty! First of all, I want to explain why I attended this course. Over the years, I have heard about Vipassana from a few people who have said it was life-changing but also the hardest thing they have ever done. 2018 was a really good year, but it was also one of the hardest, personally and emotionally.

I moved from Alberta back to BC, which was one of the hardest moves of my life. I also went through a separation and started a new relationship, all while trying to start a business and create an income for myself.

These life events combined threw me through a loop and, along with current traumas, brought up a lot of past ones as well. They say intimate relationships bring out childhood traumas, which I experienced firsthand and now understand. I realized I still had a lot of inner work to do and had not “dealt” with my past. I had blocked most of it out.

I knew I had to do something; it was either Ayahuasca or Vipassana! And I’m SO HAPPY I did not choose Ayahuasca. I registered for the waiting list at a Vipassana course in Onalaska, Washington, and got accepted two weeks before. Everything happens just at the right moment, and this could not have been more perfect timing.

Everyone seeks peace and harmony, because this is what we lack in our lives. From time to time we all experience agitation, irritation, dishar­mony. And when we suffer from these miseries, we don’t keep them to ourselves; we often distribute them to others as well. Unhappiness permeates the atmosphere around someone who is miserable, and those who come in contact with such a person also become affected. Certainly this is not a skillful way to live.

My First Impression

The center was only a 4.5-hour drive from Vancouver, BC. Check-in is 3:00 pm to 6:00 pm the first day; upon arrival, everything was really well-organized, and check-in super smooth. I filled out a few forms, checked in my phone, keys and wallet (they are all locked up in a safe), and was given directions to my residence. You can use carts to transport luggage as it is a bit of a walk to the residence. I loaded up the cart and headed to my room.

I was so excited about how much nature surrounded the center: endless greenery and tame deer. It was so quiet, peaceful and smelt heavenly. My room at the back of the residence faced nothing but nature! I walked in and was pleasantly surprised with how clean and warm it was. It reminded me of summer camp.

I unpacked and headed to the hall to eat a light meal and attend orientation. After orientation, we headed to the hall for our first meditation session. I had no idea what to expect! I had never meditated in my life before this (I know, and start with 100 hours in 10 days, what was I thinking?)! We all had assigned seats, which would remain the same throughout the course (so the teachers and course manager could keep track of us). During this first session, I realized how serious this was, and everyone attending was not here to screw around!

The First Few Days

Although, my emotions were all over the place, the first few days was kind of fun! I was happy, sad, confused, angry, happy, sad… and even started shedding a few tears on the second day.

I like structure, so the schedule suits me well. All I had to worry about was meditating, eating, meditating, eating again, walking in nature, meditating some more, drinking tea, more meditation, and sleeping. My favorite part of the day was lunch and afternoon walks. How hard could this be?

In order to be relieved of our misery, we have to know the basic reason for it, the cause of the suffering. If we investigate the problem, it becomes clear that whenever we start generating any negativity or impurity in the mind, we are bound to become unhappy. A negativity in the mind, a mental defilement or impurity, cannot coexist with peace and harmony.

Days Four to Seven

On day four, we started learning the Vipassana technique of observing sensations in our body, and this is when the real work started. During this process, my mind started opening up, which led me to have terrible nightmares (which lasted throughout the entire course), so sleep was non-existent.

I started working hard to get as much out of it as possible. After all, you take 12 days out of your life to practice Vipassana! I started taking it more seriously and really focused on the technique.

Vipassana focuses on mind and body connection; if you have emotional pain or trauma buried, it will surface in physical pain. And oh my, did it ever! By day 5, I was in SO much physical pain I wanted to throw up! Because of this, I took advantage of meditating in my room as much as possible. I was also very emotional and crying every day during sessions and on my walks.

Being in noble silence was particularly hard for me; I had no one to turn to for support except myself (I guess that’s the point, right?). Thankfully, you can speak with the teachers when you have questions or concerns, which I did a lot because I was a DISASTER! The teachers reassured me this was good because the technique worked. All my pain was coming out at once and with a vengeance.

Every day after day four, physical and emotional pain, sleepless nights and nightmares just kept getting worse. I had to request a chair to sit on during group meditations because any posture was just too painful. Even the chair was almost unbearable.

Day 8

I remember this day very well because I wanted to quit. I am not a quitter; once I start something, I see it through until the end, so this was very unusual for me. All I wanted desperately was a bath and to sleep in my own bed! I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it until day 10, but again, I spoke with the teachers, and they reassured me it would get better.

A good solution; it avoids both extremes—suppression and expression. Burying the negativity in the unconscious will not eradicate it, and allowing it to manifest as unwholesome physical or vocal actions will only create more problems. But if you just observe, then the defilement passes away and you are free of it.

Days Nine and Ten

Throughout the course, they explain over and over the importance of staying until the end because you are undergoing surgery on your emotional wounds. On day 10, you will learn another technique to seal those wounds.

By the afternoon of day 9, I started to feel a lot better and more positive. I was in a totally different place, my surroundings looked different, and I felt more at peace. On day 8, I told myself, “I would never do this again,” and by Day 9, I couldn’t wait to come back. Funny how that happens!

On day 10, we could break noble silence at 11:00 a.m. (so you can get integrated back into the real world). I thought I would be so excited about this, but it was actually very overwhelming. Lunchtime was really loud with chatter and high energy; I had to go to my room to be alone. The rest of the day was pretty slack, with just a couple of meditation sessions to learn the last technique.

Conclusion

After sharing our experiences with a few women, I realized my experience was quite intense. So please don’t let my experience scare you. Although it sounded like I had a really hard time, I accepted it because healing is hard work. You have to be really ready to surrender completely.

People attend this course for different reasons and in different emotional states. I decided to attend at a time in my life when I felt I needed a major self-transformation and self-improvement.

Someone said to me “Vipassana will be the best and worst time of your life”. This is 100% true! For me, anyway. This course was one of the hardest things I have ever done but the best thing I could have done for myself.

  • I made life-altering decisions easily because everything became so clear. Without distractions from the outside world, self-reflection, and observation, I was able to connect with myself deeper than I ever have.
  • The release of physical and emotional pain led me to forgive, love unconditionally, and see things as they are.
  • I learned tools to change my reaction toward craving and aversion.

The work does not stop here, Vipassana is an ongoing technique and should be practiced everyday to reap the benefits.

Once you have completed the course, you can access resources and materials to aid with ongoing practice. You can download a useful app called Dhama.org Mobile App and listen to group meditation sittings, discourses and much more.

Observing reality as it is by observing the truth inside—this is knowing oneself directly and experientially. As one practices, one keeps freeing oneself from the misery of mental impurities. From the gross, external, apparent truth, one penetrates to the ultimate truth of mind and matter. Then one transcends that, and experiences a truth which is beyond mind and matter, beyond time and space, beyond the conditioned field of relativity: the truth of total liberation from all defilements, all impurities, all suffering. Whatever name one gives this ultimate truth is irrelevant; it is the final goal of everyone.

Interested in Attending? Here are Some Suggestions

  • Only attend a 10-day Vipassana course if you are ready to surrender completely.
  • The center I attended in Washington was well run and organized, and the course managers do everything to ensure you are comfortable. (after all, they want you to stay)
  • Go without any expectation; everyone will have a different experience.
  • Talk to the teachers as much as you can to fully understand the technique and ensure you are practicing it correctly.
  • Don’t bother bringing meditation supplies; the center has tons.
  • Bring a sleeping bag. I brought bedding but found it uncomfortable.
  • Bring a large refillable water bottle and snacks for emergencies.
  • You are not allowed to wear tight clothing, so bring lots of comfortable, baggy, warm clothing for 10 days (there are no laundry facilities.)
  • Upon returning home, ease yourself back into your life. I lost my voice the first day back home. If you can, take a day of rest and limit yourself to electronics, T.V., phone, etc.
  • Go back! I would like to attend once a year.

I came home with confidence, less pain and misery and increased positivity. I would highly recommend this course to anyone.

*Quotes are from a talk by Mr. S.N. Goenka on the Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation*